Friday, July 8, 2011

Reflections

For the past 4 years, I have lived in Philadelphia attending Jefferson Medical College. Prior to that, I spent my previous 24 years calling home the beautiful Pacific Northwest. My parent and extended family still reside on the west coast as I have spent the past 4 years on the east coast pursuing the call to be a physician.

I can still remember the phone call from the dean of Jefferson congratulating me on my acceptance into medical school, and the joyful hugs from my parents in our backyard. It seems like years ago. I remember it was a beautiful day.

I can still remember working the 10pm-6am shift as a nursing assistant in a nursing home while studying for the MCAT. There were feelings of both excitement and impossibility at the thought of becoming a doctor. I had graduated as a chemistry major from Whitworth College but had taken a unique journey towards medicine via 8 months in the nursing home preceded by one month of dishwashing in the facility kitchen. I thank the Lord for his provisions along the way; I thank him for turning trials into wisdom and mistakes into mercy-filled lessons learned. Sometimes I felt like Jacob – a life of struggle and striving. Other times I felt like Joseph, keeping a faith for an unseen day. Maybe we all at one point or another feel like each and every character in the biblical narrative. Mainly, I felt hope in what lie ahead.

I sat as young boy next to my mother in an unremembered hospital room. Her medical condition would slowly improve as I steadily grew interested in medicine, and its healing balm in a world of pain and hurt and yet with a potential for beauty and hope. Improbable: the son of a blue-collar family from Tacoma working as a family medicine resident in Lancaster, PA. I do not deserve His kindness and grace.

This morning I reflected on how much I disliked medical school. I struggled. It was the unexpected trials that made my Philadelphia experience so difficult. At times I feel frustrated at how things went; other times joy at the remembrance of the rich community of friends met along the way. But during those late moments at night as a first year medical student the doubts would come pouring in - What am I doing here? Why leave Seattle? Should I have ever gone to medical school? Was Philadelphia a mistake? Honestly, for the majority of my 4 years I was convinced that I had made a mistake. With my mother’s health in jeopardy; as an only child; as one who found continual struggle at my school – there was plenty to give reason for doubt.

A gentle voice whispering words of power and promise, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all of the days of my life.

Goodness and mercy. I am thankful for this opportunity to be a doctor. Why I had to leave the west coast and experience intense personal I hope some day to see. But His goodness and mercy I will walk in today.

God has an amazing way of knowing just what we would need years in advance. During those frequent days of doubt would come remembrance of an experience nearly 9 years prior that would convert my cowardly, fearful heart into purpose and resolve.

I had been working in Montana during my college days. My premed major had changed to pre-seminary studies, and my intent for medical missions replaced by a genuine desire to be a pastor. After working with a Christian ministry in Glacier Park, and enjoying the opportunity to act as an amateur pastor, I seemed to have my life mapped out.

It only took one moment, just one word from the Lord, to change everything. In that moment, I felt the trajectory of my life change; a ripple effect that would change everything. What about medical missions, Erik? Within a week, my girlfriend and I ended; religion seminars changed to chemistry labs; and a deep burden for China grew. Within I year, I would be living in China fully in love with its people and language. Little did I know just how much I would need this definable turning point to look back towards in remembrance. He spoke this journey into being. In this I find great peace.

And so tomorrow I will start my life as a doctor. I commit my next 3 years to you.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

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